Yes I have moment I have to remind myself not to cry, pick my chin up and put a smile on. Not everyone is going to be good to you, not everyone you love will truly love you back. Life will get better, hell it has not choice but to :)
and how do i tell
a man
that every poem
i’ve ever written
has been an attempt
to steal his heart
had i gone
the dark route
for a fathers love
searched the laps of men
for his voice
laughed into empty bottles
fell into strange needles
i still would be who i am now
a girl with stanzas between her teeth
begging for his love
no one taught me
how to be soft
how to let shoulders sag
how to be okay
with your hand
on the small of my back
even love
sometimes feels
like treason,
a tribe of parents
sitting in my stomach
my mothers trembling hands
my brother chewing his knuckles
a home full of lonely people
so cold and stubborn
but still,
all of that just
makes me want to open up my chest
wide and pull you in
promise you i’ll
never
be anything like them
and i want you
to hold out your arms
and swear that
our children won’t
grow into
poets writing poems
about their mothers split lip
i cried the way women on tv do
folding at the middle
like a five pound note.
i called the boy who use to love me
tried to ‘okay’ my voice
i said hello
he said, what’s wrong, what’s happened?
i’ve been praying,
and these are what my prayers look like;
dear god
i come from two countries
one is thirsty
the other is on fire both need water.
later that night
i held an atlas in my lap
ran my fingers across the whole world
and whispered
where does it hurt?
it answered
everywhere
everywhere
everywhere
(via vvithering)
Honesty how I am feeling. Yeah tomorrows my dads bday, yeah he was killed but that’s life, people die everyday.. It isn’t like I care to be reminded.
i want people to be able to look at me and see how happy i am and feel the genuineness of it.
If theres something I’ve learned about love is dont trust it. Dont give somebody the opportunity to break you without the intentions of putting you back together. Why put your all into a man and it isn’t enough… Getting rejected as soon as you love more, and the love you give is never enough so you start taking the love you have for yourself and give it away to be left with nothing. Not even self worth. Questioning yourself like does his “i love you” mean anything to you after he tells you your love means nothing to him?” Crying your eyes out, with nobody to wipe your tears after the fact they promised to always be there. Fuck love.. Love aint ever did anything but hurt me and show me how destined i am to be alone.
You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that.
—Warsan Shire (via mickysmind)
“Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.” (free write )
I always felt comfort in being alone
My shadow surrounds me
Holding me together-
She doesn’t judge me when I cry
And has my back depending which way the sun is shining
Until night falls
I reach out and nobodies there
Open my eyes to a blank stare
Of numbness
my hands wiping away the sadness
And this mornings eyeline
drawn across my cheeks
emptiness drapes around me
Suffocating the love I thought I once had
For myself
So I turn on the lamp next to my bed
creating shadows on my wall with my hands
Truly grasping the feeling
Of loneliness
-Shayla Beaulieu
