I don’t see how guys can treat the mother of their children like that mean nothing. She went through 9months carrying your DNA inside of her, taking care of herself, her body, a part of you. She clothes, feeds and loves your child but yet you can’t even go as far as telling her you appreciate her? Thank her for picking up your slack.. she continues to love the main reminder of the pain you put her through.. but you only speak of her being “crazy” and perhaps you’d be too if you understood how many times she’s let tears drop on the head of her child reminding them she’ll never leave, that no matter how hard it is to wake up with a smile full of regrets yet still manages to get on her knees to pray for you and to thank god for her babies..
I felt you. You were a pea. Then a lemon. Then an eggplant. I followed advice. I read twelve books. I quit coffee. Could you tell I was scared? I talked to you, sang to you… I wasn’t ready. But then you were here. Ten toes. Eight pounds. Love. Big fat love.I held you. I fed you. I realized that I would spend my life doing things to make you happy — and that that would make me happy. And then there are the times I want to give up. You’ve made me rethink my sanity. You’ve made me want to fall on my mother’s feet and tell her that I get it. But then you smile and you say my name — and you grab my hand with those little fingers. We’re growing together. We are seeing the world like it’s new. I will open my heart and love will rain down all over you. You’ll giggle, and I’ll do it all over again. And we will walk hand in hand. Until you let go.”I made you, but you made me a mother.
Selfish perks of being the only parent: not having to share my baby.
So I’ve made it almost 4 months breastfeeding without a drop of formula.. this is honestly one of the best decisions I made for my son and myself as well.
My son has already taught me so much about myself in these past 3 months… My whole life I was always teaching myself not to get attached to people, that nothing is forever and after my father passing away I thought I was meant to be left, that a persons love for me was only temporary.. but my son looks at me with so much love and assurance, sometimes I look at him and just cry because nobody will ever quite realize how much I needed him.
Before I had my son one of my biggest fears was raising him on my own. I thought since he’s a boy he needed a male role model because let’s face it, I know nothing about being a man so how was I suppose to raise one? It’s been 3 months and that fear is starting to fade with each day, each day I go through things with my son, each day he smiles and reassures me that I am doing a good job. I still wake up heartbroken because his face is a reminder that his father isn’t around.. and I cry a little and hold my son a little closer.. that pain hasn’t gotten easier but I know it will, one day I know I’ll be able to look at my son and just enjoy his happiness instead of looking at him and seeing his father and question why doesn’t he want to be a part of this? What did we do so wrong? But at the end of the day I can’t let my heartbreak determine what kind of mother I become.. I love my son more then the world may know, I am becoming less afraid of raising a man.. and more so starting to realize maybe us women do know more about men then they know themselves
I love reading to him, he always smiles and acts as if he knows what the story is about